Funny Beer and Diaper Clips

This week I wanted to share a few commical clips from YouTube that relate to Beer and Diapers.  Have an amazing week everyone!

What's In a Name

Ok, this is going to be a quick post as my husband and I just returned home from an all day trip to Portland, Me.  We had to go see some time share presentation with promises of winning two of five pretty good prizes and another chance to win $25,000.  Though the prizes were extremely gimmicky, it did allow for some good quality time with my husband.  The entire trip there we dreamed about what we would do with the money if we won.  We both decided it would be best to invest it into the brewery him and his brothers are developing.  This conversation led to what would be the best thing to name this company.  I am looking for your input. I could explain to you the reasons we came up with the following names, because they all have some relevance to us, but that is not what I am looking for.  I want to know what connects more with you.  Can you please review the names below that we have brainstormed and let me know which one connects most with you? If none of them seem like a successful brewery name, please feel free to offer your own.  Thank you for your thoughts!!

o   Brown Haired Fighter Brewery

o   Brink  Brewing Company

o   Poor Boys Brewing Company

o   Mug Shot Brewing Company

o   Nice Jugs Brewery

o   Other___________________________

Oh, and by the way. We didn't win the $25,000!! 

Thankful Frustrations

So, on behalf of Thanksgiving, I am going to give a list of the things I am thankful for. I am thankful for all the normal things like a healthy family, job, house, food, and flushing toilets, but the following list is a bit different. I have taking a few of the incredibly frustrating events that has happened over the past week and have put a positive spin on it, as a sort of way to remind myself that things could be a lot worse.

·         I am grateful for the diaper that got mixed in with my dirty laundry, and exploded in my washer into a thousand tiny jell bubbles because it means I have the capability of washing the same load of clothes three times before they are finally clean.

·         I am grateful for the three garbage bags that an animal got into and dragged dirty trash all over the lawn because it means we have eaten well…both our family and the skunks!

·         I am grateful for the soccer ball sized dent I put in my new car because it means my husband built a sturdy mailbox.

·         I am grateful for my daughter who drew a huge mural all over my dining room wall a week before we have a huge family over for Thanksgiving, because it means she will be occupied for a least two hours as she tries to clean it up.

·         I am thankful for my husband who keeps moving the couch so the sun would be directly in my face because it means I have the capability to one, see the light, and two, punch out his lights ;-)

·         I am thankful for the pest control van parked outside the dining hall because it means students will no longer have to share their food with rodents.

·         I am grateful for my kids who fight over who gets to do the dishes because, well, this I am just grateful!!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone and try to find the good in everything life has to offer.

Kid Quips

I had fun writing last weeks blogs about a few of the motherly mishaps I have inflicted on my children.  This week I am going to write some quick funny things my children have said to remind me that even though I have messed up some things, I will have stuff to hold against them when they are older!

1. My daughter when she was five said to my police officer husband "Hey Dad, do you put bad people in jail? No, you probably just glue them to the wall, right?"
2. A deer was hit by a car then wandered to our house. There was blood everywhere, mostly on our main walkway. Each time we walked to our cars, my three year old said "watch out for the reindeer blood!" Poor thing thinks one of Santa's reindeer fell from the sky!
3. My husband asked my oldest daughter if she knew what St. Patrick's day was.  She seriously said "yep, it is when there  is gold at the end of the rainbow!"
4. On a very deep conversation with my oldest (who was three at the time) we starting talking about school, and how you go to elementary school, middle school, high school then finally college. "Mommy, what is college?" I told her "it is where you go to school to learn how to be whatever you want to be when you grow up." Without skipping a beat she replied excitedly "I want to be a boy!!!!"
5. After telling my three year old she was smart she responded with a know-it-all attitude "yes my are!!!"
6. We asked both our kids what they wanted to be when the grow up. My oldest said "a police officer like daddy", my two year old said "My want to be a Christmas Tree!"

I have tons of these!  More to come later.

Motherly Mishaps

I have been trying to think all week on what to write my blog about this week, and this morning, after catching my 6 year old nephew trying to burn our house down, it came to me. I should write about a few of the mistakes I have made as a mother. The things that were mortifying at the time, but later make for a good comical conversation.

I will start with this morning. I woke to the smell of matches burning but I just thought it was the smell of the wood stove smoldering or something. Come to find out, my nephew lit a bunch of matches and burned a big char mark in my window sill, another burn mark on my new white wicker shelves we got for above the toilet, and another on a decorative glass plate.  Each time I go upstairs I find more and more burn marks. Though sobering how scary things could have been, I am the one who left the matches in the drawer upstairs because I sometime have a candle going.  My Fault.  Fail #1.

When my first daughter was about one and a half, she was walking great, and learning to talk more and more.  This one particular night I was doing the dishes at my kitchen sink and not paying as much attention to my daughter as I should.  She kept coming up with a nose aspirator (one of those blue bubble like things you use to get boogers out of children’s noses). She kept putting it in her mouth and saying "yum, yum". I told her that was disgusting and to go put it back. She went to her room and I assumed she was putting it back.  Again she came to me and said "yum, yum" with the nose aspirator in her mouth.  Grossed out again, I told her to go put it back.....the third time she came up to me with it in her mouth, saying "yum, yum" I noticed a little water dripping from her mouth.  It all clicked then.  She wasn't going into her room, she was going into the bathroom. She was drinking toilet water out of a nose aspirator. Nasty!  Mother Fail #2.

This morning I was showing my father-in-law how to buckle in my four year old, after noticing he had the strap way too lose.  I told him you make sure you have it tight around her stomach, then you lock the strap.  I pulled the shoulder strap out as far as it can go.  Instead of letting it back in slowly I just let go and it snapped back and caught her right across the face. She started screaming and saying “mommy punched me in the face!. Oops! Mother Fail #3.

Daughter number two likes to gather various things from around the house and keep them in a basket in her bedroom.  This one particular night I was tucking her into her bed when I felt something under her pillow.  "Honey, why is there a lighter under your pillow?" her response "oh, that is my new night light.” Oh boy. Mother Fail #4.

Well, if there really is such thing as Mother of the Year, I am pretty sure I will never qualify as these are just a FEW of the mistakes I have made along the way! Have a great week everyone!

From Broke To Brewery

Okay, I am actually writing this weeks blog with hopes my readers can help me out.  We all ask the question what makes us happy.  "Do what you like, like what you do", right? Well my husband has a very stable job, that brings in decent money, but he just is not happy. I feel so bad for him. I love my job, and I really want him to feel the same, but I don't think he ever will working where he is. When I ask him what he wants he says work for himself.  He has a hobby of brewing his own beer, and he actually has a commercial set-up and the stuff he produces is GREAT! The question is.....how do you get from here to there......The job he has now demands a lot of time, so he is unable to put a super amount of time into developing his new business. He can't quit his job because I need electricity so I can write my blogs for this class!! He has the skill, he has the equipment, he has the motivation, he even has a pretty decent set up in the garage (lacking septic which I think may be an issue), but does anyone have any solid advise?  How can we make beer make us rich? Thanks in advance for your help!  Good luck with Hurricane Sandy!!

So, let me elaborate a little more on why my blog is called Beer and Diapers. The beer part is probably obvious as so many instances that happen throughout a day end with the reassurance that there this is an ice cold beer in the fridge.  The diapers part, that one needs a little more explanation. True, I have kids, and they wear diapers like any other kids, except there is one difference.  My oldest daughter is six and still wears pull ups to bed! The same as my four year old (not as big a deal as my six year old I understand but she was out of daytime diapers before her second birthday. I had high hopes for her).  Most households are completely done with the expense by the time the child is three.  We are clearly skewing that mold.   I read that it cost around $1500 for the first two years just in diapers. 

It isn’t just the money that causes me to drink, it is the smell! When they are old enough to remove them their selves, they will. They will take them off wherever they can and leave them there. I cleaned my room today and found three peed-in diapers under my bed! Gross!!! What does that say about me when I couldn’t even smell it? (I really have to find time to clean more!)

My daughter started Kindergarten last year. In the beginning she was doing great, but about two months into it, she was having accidents every day.  I ended up having to send her to school in pull ups. I took her to the doctors three times thinking that something was wrong with her wiring or something. I have also Googled lots about my little issue. I guess I have to wait it out. They will grow out if it they say. Over sensitive bladders they say. Don’t let them think it is a negative thing they say.  Get a Potty Pager they say. Give them medicine they say. Wake them up in the middle of the night they say. Reduce fluids before bed they say. A chiropractor may help they say………….  I say, hurry up and put your pull up. I have a beer waiting for me! Does anyone else have any solutions to my little expensive issue? Good night everyone! :-)

How to Toilet Train Your Cat

Because so many of you were so impressed with my toilet trained cat (actually, nobody said anything, but they should have. I mean, my cat pee’s on the toilet!!), I have decided to do a podcast on how to train your cat to use the toilet as a litter box. Though my cat is a self-learned prophecy, my father had a cat that he potty trained once.  

I did want to mention one thing, off the topic before I share this week’s pod cast.  In ‘Podcasting For Dummies’ excerpt that we were assigned to read this week, it listed a lot of great podcasting sites. One peaked my interest on becoming more financially structured. I actually clicked it to see what it was all about.  It took me directly to a male escorting site!!!  Though, I guess, if I hooked my husband up with this site our money issues could be solved, I did get the impression www.radioeconomics.com was not about money management, but I did find it hysterical and worth sharing. 

Okay, here goes with my podcast on how to train your cat to use the toilet. 

https://www.box.com/s/9p5m67q8jr3z0zvoor4u

Why Won’t My Cat Flush?

My second blog is going to revolve once again around my cat’s bathroom habits.  A couple years ago, my oldest daughter wanted a cat named Sophie for her birthday, so we got her one, only to find out Sophie was a boy….so Sophie turned into Sofa.  We were living with my father-in-law at the time who wasn’t 100% sold on the idea of a cat to begin with, but agreed because he knew how much my daughter wanted one.  Because of this, Sofa quickly turned into an outside cat so the litter box didn’t stick around long, (thank goodness).  When we moved into our new house, which was a lot closer to the road we were more skeptical of letting the cat out, so we once again brought in the litter box.  After living here a few weeks, we noticed the litter box was not getting used, so we search and searched the house, scared of where we will find what Sofa was using as an outhouse.  We discovered the answer one night while my husband and I were eating a quite late dinner.  We heard water running in the downstairs bathroom, so we ran in preparing to find a leak. What we saw was our cat peeing in the toilet! Our cat had potty trained itself!!  Watch the video proof  (please excuse my husband’s profanity!).

The Connection

So I really wanted to name my blog “Urine Launch” because one, in an article I read it said blogs with the word “launch” in it seemed to do well, and two, at least once a week, I want to put myself into an alcoholic coma because of some mishap with one of my family members lack of bladder control. However, when I mentioned that name to a few friends I got more of a grossed out look than the smile I was going for, so “Beer and Diapers” it is.  Now I am a laugh-pee’r from way back, and I have had two kids so my issues with my escaping bodily fluids are forgivable.  But while trying to stay sane and feel like I have a little bit of control while being a full time mom/employee/student, there are some situations that occur during  my hectic life that just plain drive me to drink!!!

I will give you an example of what I am talking about.  Below please see the chain of events that led to me drinking myself to sleep one night this past summer…prelude-it had been pouring rain for about three days straight, and I may have been in one of my irritable monthly moods:

1)      Extremely horrible day at work where I was forced to stay late knowing it was past the time I needed to get my kids from the sitter costing me more money and annoying my sitter…

2)      Picking up my kids that were fighting and screaming. I told them to go get into the car.

3)      While trying to have a semi-sane conversation with my sitter,  my oldest daughter runs inside, over the freshly mopped floor and newly shampooed carpets of my sitter with muddy shoes because she had to pee so bad. 

4)      As if the mud wasn’t bad enough, she didn’t make it to the bathroom in time….

5)      Cleaned up pee and mud while apologizing profusely.

6)      Daughter goes back outside, forgets her doll and runs back in again forgetting to remover her muddy shoes before running on the white carpet (UGH!)

7)      I finally went out to the car where my daughter number two had walked all over the car seats that we had just detailed because we were trading our car in the very next day (I mentioned the rain and mud, right?)

8)      She had also decided to decorate the doors and center console with pen art…..My three year old is no Van Gough!

9)      Finally got home to find that my dog too had had a tough day. Decided to distribute female bathroom trash all over the kitchen floor, almost strategically around our island.

10)   In the living room I find my husband was sleeping on the couch which frustrated me, for other reasons.

11)   I decided to sit down on the other couch saying to myself “I just need a minute”.

12)   After sitting for thirty seconds I realize my butt was getting wet….I stood to find that my cat had urinated on both cushions and the back of my couch!!!!!!!!

13)   I yelled at my husband to wake up and went upstairs to do homework and give myself a little time out.

14)   My husband took the cushions outside to hose down....and gave my youngest the hose to help out, while he ran inside to use the bathroom…..

15)   He comes out of the bathroom to see the living room flooded with water…..daughter # 2 decided to help out even more and wash the screen door as well!

16)   I drove to the store and bought a six pack.

Below you will see a picture of my expensive microfiber couch that never recovered from the cat peeing incident. Beer and Diapers……it is all coming together now, isn’t it?